An old lady is walking around in a  supermarket calling out, "Crisco,
Crisssssssco!"Soon a store clerk approaches  and says, "Lady, the Crisco is
in aisle D."The old lady replies, "Oh, I'm not  looking for the cooking
stuff. I'm calling my husband." The clerk is  astonished. "Your husband's
name is Crisco?" The old lady answers, "Oh no,  no, no. I only call him that
when we're out in public."

I see," said  the clerk. "What do you call him at home?"

"Lard ass."