The English are feeling  the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats 
and have raised their security  level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."
 

 
Soon, though, security  levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even 
"A Bit Cross." Londoners  have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 
when tea supplies all but  ran out.  Terrorists have been re-categorized from 
"Tiresome" to a "Bloody  Nuisance." The last time the British issued a 
"Bloody Nuisance" warning level  was during the great fire of 1666.
 

 
Also, the French  government announced yesterday that it has raised its 
terror alert level from  "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are 
"Surrender" and  "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire 
that destroyed France's white flag factory,  effectively paralyzing the country's 
military  capability.
 

 
It's not only the English  and French that are on a higher alert.  Italy has 
increased the alert  level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate 
Military Posturing." Two  more levels remain "Ineffective Combat Operations" and 
"Change  Sides."
 

 
The Germans also increased  their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to 
"Dress in Uniform and Sing  Marching Songs." They also have two higher  
levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and  "Lose."
 

 
Belgians, on the other  hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only 
threat they are worried about is  NATO pulling out of Brussels.
 

 
The Spanish are all  excited to see their new fleet of gaily painted 
submarines ready to  deploy.  These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so 
the new  Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish  navy.
  

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